Why I’m scared of marriage and how God is preparing my heart for my husband

So I am scared of getting married.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment of unconditional love. Lifelong does not stop when the finances get bad, when you are no longer “feeling” the person, when you both are busy, etc. The vows say for better or worse, through sick and health, rich or poor, life or death. Marriage is not giving up yourself, but it’s gaining yourself in the person God has created for you.

I want it my way:

One of the reasons I have my reservations about courting and marriage is because I am afraid that who God has for me won’t fit my perfect fairy tale. My ideal guy consist of someone handsome, Afrocentric, outspoken, creative, loves Christian rap, highly educated, love sports, has a manly voice, poetic, and strong. I don’t need to say that he “loves Jesus” because he will be attracted to the spirit of God living on the inside of me.

Now what if:

What if God has a different guy? What of my husband is passive, hates Christian rap, don’t have a poetic bone in his body, never even seen a basketball game ( I HIGHLY DOUBT THIS ONE), and (being honest) isn’t my idea of handsome? Do I cross him out of the picture?

The answer is no:
God knows who I need before I do. God knows I need a man who can lead our family to his son Jesus. He knows I need somebody to who will support me, provide for our family, pray with me, be my cheerleader, and love me unconditionally. Everything else is irrelevant.

What if I am not enough?

Let’s be 100% honest here. Every woman has her doubts about not being “everything” her future husband wants in a wife. We either feel insecure about our looks, or we are always comparing ourselves to other women. God’s true match for us will already find God’s beauty in us. Our personality is what truly make us sexy! Our compassion for God’s people, our loving and humble spirit, etc will be what makes our guy say “Girl you got it going on” (INSERT A GIGGLE OR TWO)

Reality Check ( aka Bible Verse):

“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” (1 Peter 3:3, 4 NLT)

I still have issues:
Create in me a clean heart and renew my mind. I’m not a neat freak, in fact I’m kinda messy! Depending on what it is, I can be stubborn and selfish! I have trust issues, and can have anger issues as well. Im impatient and can sometimes hold a grudge. I’m working on these things but I can’t be somebody’s wife being all these mishaps, not without God’s help and guidance. It’s his strength that both I and my future spouse will need to rely on to understand, help, and accept our flaws and struggles. Where I am weak, Jesus is strong. Endurance is key.

Awkward:
I’ve never been on many dates nor been in too many real relationships to know what to expect. Do we hold hands? What to talk about? When things get serious do we kiss? How do I be vulnerable? I know these things sound weird and maybe crazy, but I’m not the only woman who think these things. After all courting leads to engagement and marriage so we must start somewhere!

God is in control:
I say all of the above to say this. I’m not perfect. None of us are and none of our spouses will be perfect. When God created us he made us fearfully and wonderfully! He knew who would be able to cherish us, love us even when we are crazy acting, and carry us. We don’t have to do anything but follow Christ so he can dance us into the arms of our prince. God is preparing my heart for love and when that time comes, all of the awkward, quirky, goofy things I do will not matter to my spouse because he was made to handle them! Ladies live for God and learn to lean on Him for a spouse. We are more than enough!

Thanks for reading!