Why I’m scared of marriage and how God is preparing my heart for my husband

So I am scared of getting married.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment of unconditional love. Lifelong does not stop when the finances get bad, when you are no longer “feeling” the person, when you both are busy, etc. The vows say for better or worse, through sick and health, rich or poor, life or death. Marriage is not giving up yourself, but it’s gaining yourself in the person God has created for you.

I want it my way:

One of the reasons I have my reservations about courting and marriage is because I am afraid that who God has for me won’t fit my perfect fairy tale. My ideal guy consist of someone handsome, Afrocentric, outspoken, creative, loves Christian rap, highly educated, love sports, has a manly voice, poetic, and strong. I don’t need to say that he “loves Jesus” because he will be attracted to the spirit of God living on the inside of me.

Now what if:

What if God has a different guy? What of my husband is passive, hates Christian rap, don’t have a poetic bone in his body, never even seen a basketball game ( I HIGHLY DOUBT THIS ONE), and (being honest) isn’t my idea of handsome? Do I cross him out of the picture?

The answer is no:
God knows who I need before I do. God knows I need a man who can lead our family to his son Jesus. He knows I need somebody to who will support me, provide for our family, pray with me, be my cheerleader, and love me unconditionally. Everything else is irrelevant.

What if I am not enough?

Let’s be 100% honest here. Every woman has her doubts about not being “everything” her future husband wants in a wife. We either feel insecure about our looks, or we are always comparing ourselves to other women. God’s true match for us will already find God’s beauty in us. Our personality is what truly make us sexy! Our compassion for God’s people, our loving and humble spirit, etc will be what makes our guy say “Girl you got it going on” (INSERT A GIGGLE OR TWO)

Reality Check ( aka Bible Verse):

“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” (1 Peter 3:3, 4 NLT)

I still have issues:
Create in me a clean heart and renew my mind. I’m not a neat freak, in fact I’m kinda messy! Depending on what it is, I can be stubborn and selfish! I have trust issues, and can have anger issues as well. Im impatient and can sometimes hold a grudge. I’m working on these things but I can’t be somebody’s wife being all these mishaps, not without God’s help and guidance. It’s his strength that both I and my future spouse will need to rely on to understand, help, and accept our flaws and struggles. Where I am weak, Jesus is strong. Endurance is key.

I’ve never been on many dates nor been in too many real relationships to know what to expect. Do we hold hands? What to talk about? When things get serious do we kiss? How do I be vulnerable? I know these things sound weird and maybe crazy, but I’m not the only woman who think these things. After all courting leads to engagement and marriage so we must start somewhere!

God is in control:
I say all of the above to say this. I’m not perfect. None of us are and none of our spouses will be perfect. When God created us he made us fearfully and wonderfully! He knew who would be able to cherish us, love us even when we are crazy acting, and carry us. We don’t have to do anything but follow Christ so he can dance us into the arms of our prince. God is preparing my heart for love and when that time comes, all of the awkward, quirky, goofy things I do will not matter to my spouse because he was made to handle them! Ladies live for God and learn to lean on Him for a spouse. We are more than enough!

Thanks for reading!


The Wedding, The Bride, The Groom, and God’s unconditional love.

As I sat in the church pew and I saw the groom come in, I could only imagine the feeling of Joy that he have in his heart as he waited for his bride. The bridesmaids and groomsmen walked in as of they were floating and finally the doors were closed and we all knew it was time for the bride to make her entrance. As my dear friend stood at the alter and my dear friend floated down to her groom, my heart swelled and I could not help but smiling so hard that my cheeks started hurting. The wedding was beautiful. It was intimate, simple, and most of all centered around Jesus. I mean we even took communion. Then the reception was an awesome affair of finger foods, dancing, and sweet tea. I even danced with the bride and groom. The bride and groom… 

Something popped into my head today. God’s love for us is like a Man’s love for his wife. the wedding is the celebration and invitation in sharing the joy of salvation and the groom marrying his bride, the church. God does not require us to come perfectly to him, he will provide the white dress of pure and righteousness . Just think of the vows that a man and wife give to each other on their wedding day. To have and to hold, for rich or poor, sick or healthy, forsaken all others.The same way a man makes a covenant with his wife is the same one we make with Jesus. Just think of when Jesus when to that cross for us. He was sick, he was poor and I know in His human form he wished he had some one to hold and he had forsaken the deal the Devil tried to give to him and still went to the cross for a world that did and was going to hate and mock him. Do you understand we are his brides? He is our groom? What does that look like? 

I’ll tell you. 1 Corin 13. Jesus Love helps us endure all things. people kill over love yet Christ died to give life for love. Everything we do should be made in love. I like to think of the reception as a celebration in Heaven that is soon to come. Once our groom comes to steal us away from the trappings of this world, we will celebrate, dance, eat with and embrace our Savior, Hero, king. 

Quick note. Ladies wait on the Lord. Today taught  me to embrace the Husband of my spirit first then my earthly husband will come. I know its hard, its difficult, but God is able, he is truth, and he is just that amazing to bless you with your spirit-mate.  In the meantime, Ill dance at the spiritual reception, taking in spiritual food, and loving the lover of my soul. I urge you to do so too. God bless

Contentment in God

All around me is romance. Movies, shows, conversations from the other people, display of affection and intimacy. Sometimes I sigh and think of being single. It can feel like being on of those kids in 2nd grade without the Lisa Frank folders and pencils. Everyone has one it seems, except you. I didn’t get Lisa Frank stuff till third grade and after a few months of having it, I was bored or didn’t really pay any attention to it. Now I know being in a relationship is different, and you really can’t “not pay attention” to the guy/girl you are with but the rush is the same. In the beginning, everything is lovely! Late night talks on the phone, dates, hanging on their every word and then months past and the same rush is no longer there. Your favorite restaurant becomes boring or the norm, conversation gets dull, etc. 

We have become consumed in the emotions and feelings of romance that it can become stressful. We ask ourselves questions like “Why haven’t he/she called?” “Where are they?” “What are they doing?” and we become consumed with them. We end up losing a piece of ourselves.We end up not in contentment, especially singles because we crave that feeling of a touch and rush. 

I have a solution, as a matter of fact, God has the solution. Contentment in Him brings peace and joy in ways that any man or woman can bring. This is why God wants us to seek Him 1st and his Kingdom and Righteousness and all other THINGS will be added to you. That part “Things” being added means God needs to be able to know that you trust and want HIM with all your heart, not just when it’s convenient .

Think about it this way. You spend your time consuming your self for the love, approval, and honor of someone. They only consume themselves half the time with even thought of you. Who is lacking here? You or them? What happens when they only give you 10% of what you have been craving? You become depressed, sad, feeling unwanted, and unloved. You are left  not content. 

Now think about putting that same energy in loving and serving God. What are your results? How does God make you FEEL? Trust me, You will feel in peace, wanted, loved and content because you never had to fight for God’s love. It’s been there all along. 

So stay content in God. Fall madly in love with Him for the purpose that Christ went to the Cross for you. As you fall deeper in love with Christ, watch as he transform you. Then in His timing, He will send you the one that has been content in Him and praying and waiting just for you. 

Going Back To That Hidden Place

Ever lived in a house with 15 other people? How about both guys and girls? One shower to share with 12 other girls can be nerve wrecking but even more than that can be finding a place to hide away. Now if you are a person who craves and seek attention, this would be the perfect place to throw a pity party, become the life of a party or simply live off of everyone look at you. I know the feeling of wanting people to notice you. From dating to just friendship, we crave to be appreciated by someone. Right now at this very moment I am living in Christian community with 15 other guys and girls. (I know what the Duggers must be feeling) One minute I craved attention, next I hated it. For the past two weeks God has been teaching me lesson after lesson of being hidden and for the past two days I finally have gotten the curriculum!

I believe God is calling a lot of people to go back to that “hidden” place. What hidden place am I talking about? The place where it’s just you and God, where He can mold you and shape you into you purpose. Our hidden place is where we hear God the most and crave Him the most. There are no distractions, no interruptions, and it’s where we can be most transparent with God about our fears, our struggles, our hopes and our dreams without anyone altering our minds.

When Christian expose themselves to much without God’s covering, we become open to the Worlds attacks, the Devil’s tricks, and our flesh start to grow like weeds in an un-kept garden!

It’s time for us to go back to that hidden place. God created Adam in a garden and when I think of that creation, I think of God crafting him in secret, waiting for the perfect time to expose Him to the beauty of this world. Think of Daniel! He fasted for 21 days. Fasting is suppose to be a hidden thing. Matthew 6:16 states “And when you fast, don’t make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so people will admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get.” In the hidden place we find the most joy, peace, and growth. The less interruption, the better

So ask yourself this week. “Have I went to that hidden place to worship God? Am I exposing myself to much? Who’s attention do I really crave? God or Peoples? What is God trying to tell me?”

For His Glory

So this has been a rough week in a sense. There have been so many emotional changes and changes in general that I have had to face and I am currently facing. The worst part about all of these changes is that wanting to vent and wanting that support, however sometimes a person feels all alone in their quest of change and maturity. Do you feel like this? Well if so you are not alone, in fact I am facing the same thing. I’ve been there and I am there. There is so much I feel like I am losing yet there are hidden things that I am gaining as well. Take college for instance. I am in my fifth year of college and the excitement is getting a tad bit old if you know what I mean. I used to love the start of a new semester and new activities, the feeling of moving into the residence halls, seeing old friends, etc. It’s like you get to live a whole new life in a sense because a lot of things change while you are in college, especially if you are me. 

College for me has become like a workout session. It feels good and it does good for your maturity but if you are obese in struggles then achieving certain goals seems like a billion miles away. (Funny thing, I am in the obese physically category as well) Locking down onto a major and sticking with it, didn’t quite stick with me to say the least. I constantly became passionate about one subject then shifted my thought processes to another. Then I had the ” I think God said” confusion thing.  I thought God said law school. #Fail! I thought God said Psychologist #Fail! I thought God said teacher. Well not really a fail here because that option still might be possible but my point is this.  Whatever it is that is holding you back, remember Romans 8:28. Everything works out for our GOOD! Everything! Even the changing majors five or six times (like me). Transferring to three different college ( like me) or not being able to pass simple mathematics ( like me), all of it can seem like obese struggles, but know that God is the drill sergeant to get you back into shape. If you allow him to he will put you through spiritual boot-camp, so that you can fight off the negative “I can’t do it, Im not smart enough, etc” enemy that is devouring you mind. Everything in life is for His Glory. His own Son’s death was for His Glory. God had to show us that he is God and that he has the ultimate plan even when things get confusing or foggy. Jesus hung on that cross because he knew that in order for us to have true salvation someone perfect and without blemish nor fear would need to die a fearful death! So I encourage you no matter what, to keep running, and lose the obese struggle because God works everything out so it can be a testament of His Glory! 

Love and Peace,

Hidden Precious Thing

Hidden Precious Thing

So everyone is born with a name.( I mean everyone I know has a name, please enlighten me if you know of anyone without one!) My name is Lakeyia. For some reason growing up I used to dislike MY name. I felt it wasn’t normal, I mean why couldn’t my mother name me Lilly or Emma? Those are cool names. They sound so elegant and graceful. A name fitted for a queen or princess. I could have gotten used to “Hello Lilly!” How are you today Emma?” I imagine myself walking gracefully in a room where people couldn’t help but noticed me, simply due to my name. Well life did not turn out that way. Instead I was named Lakeyia. A name that was usually hard to pronouce in class and usually came out as LA -KEE – TAH or LA – KAY- AH instead of the right way which is LA -KEY- YAH.

So by now I guess you are wondering what is the big deal with me and names? Well I will enlighten you. Jesus was named Jesus for reason. Jesus name means “God Saves” in Hebrew. Jesus is our Savoir and ruler over Heaven and Earth. His name has a purpose that is lined up with the purpose he was created for.

I did some research on my name. In Arabic it means “Hidden Precious Thing” and it is spelled “Lakia”. My name is so very true of my personality and my journey. God hides me from the majority of the dangers and trappings of this Earth. I am Precious in His sight.

His Word says in Psalms 139: 1-5 “O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in–behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.”

If God know what thoughts I was going to have even before they were created in my mind then surely he knew the importance of my name! He placed it in my mother’s heart to name me “Lakeyia”. I wasn’t meant to be a Lilly or Emma. Like a butterfly I am meant to be hidden yet precious and beautiful. Like a Diamond I am hidden and brought with a high price. We as people all have a purpose and our name has a meaning. Some of us may have the same name but it means something different in reality to our lives. Be gratefully of who you are and what you were created to be. Remember, You are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made.

Welcome to the Journey of a Hidden Precious Butterfly…